Welcome to Temptation, by Jennifer Cruise [1]

*/***** (1/5)

Jennifer Cruise's WELCOME TO TEMPTATION contains way too much estrogen for my tastes. I thought the book defined what it means to write a lot of words without an inkling of substance: it's episodic, melodramatic, and it's bloated nonsense. A lot of contemporary romance novelists write about Small Town America where everybody knows everybody and this one is no different. Similar to the innocence of a girl losing her virginity in historical romance, I suspect the contemporary romance genre enjoys stretching "innocent", conservative principles in Small Town America. The inane frippery in this one really knows no bounds. There's way too many characters (presumably setting up other novels), the plotting dulls, the pacing sags, the settings are empty, and worst of all, the leads lacked substance and chemistry. Although I can't say I liked McCarthy's HEIRESS FOR HIRE (*), lord that was heaven compared to this estrogen-pumped frivolity. Now I have to say the ending saved this novel from being rated a zero and Sophie reciprocates a little bit, but just not enough. For book containing some language, Cruise ignores the love scenes with the exception of Phin servicing Sophie orally in the beginning. For the rest of the book: "And one hour later...," or "The morning after..." Again, I found the passion and chemistry in McCarthy's HEIRESS FOR HIRE superior. I also found WELCOME TO TEMPTATION mundane and predictable: a mayoral election is on the horizon with Phin's chief rival Stephen Garvey hounding his every move, Sophie, her sister Amy crash into town (literally) to shoot a rather raunchy film starring the beautiful Clea, more people show up out of the woodwork including: Clea's jerk husband Zane, Sophie's hot brother Davy (for a future novel), and the porn movie producer Leo. There's a death, Sophie and her sister's bawdy version of the film scandalizes Temptation, OH, and lest we forget, love triumphs in the end.

The book presents the interaction between our heroine Sophie and hero Phin mostly from Sophie's cloying perspective. Predictably (for the romance genre) and much to my ire, our hero Phin notices Sophie's ordinary brown eyes, brown hair and lips ("devil's candy") while Sophie constantly swoons over Phin's classic beauty, incomparable height (the book meticulously notes how he's taller than his friend the police chief), broad shoulders, supple behind, and gorgeous good-looks. Phin is attracted to our ordinary heroine Sophie's mouth, he wants to kiss the skin between her neck and shoulders, but the book eschews Phin thinking of Sophie as beautiful or pretty. I don't get it. Why are heroes from romance novels forbidden from viewing the source of their attraction as hot while the heroines flushed over their heroes' perfect handsomeness, muscles, butt and height? You'd think these greedy romance heroines haven't seen a cute guy before. The plotting and pacing meanwhile pursues meandering, frivolous directions strife with insipid melodrama and soapy events. For example, Phin and Wes visit the Whipple farm to help fix up the place, Sophie makes sandwiches, Rachel helps paint the house, Sophie befriends a dog, more of Sophie antagonizing Phin, Sophie and Phin bantering (romance translation = Sophie being a bitch to Phin), etc., etc., etc. Phin gives Sophie the best oral sex she's ever had, Sophie calls her boyfriend Brandon to confess, Amy and Sophie gossip about Sophie's orgasms, Clea's husband Zane visits, they discuss the cherry wallpaper at the Whipple farm.

The book paints Sophie's character as the daughter of two scam artists, the product of a tough, possibly loveless childhood, independent and someone who takes care of herself, whether that's sexually or otherwise. So of course the book is about Phin going down on her and Sophie turning herself over to him. I was more and more annoyed the more I read this completely senseless farce of a book detailing Sophie's evolution into someone selfish in bed and acrimonious otherwise. The perfect combination every gorgeous, successful guy prizes, right? Let's not forget Sophie's killer ordinary brown hair and brown eyes. The perfectly gorgeous guy tolerates the rather bland heroine's cold shoulder and insulting demeanor while she enjoys him wanting to give her oral sex endlessly without the least bit of a desire to reciprocate on her end. Like so many other romances, the ordinary heroine acting cold and insulting while the handsome hero services her carnal desires (he goes down on her) constitutes what passes for "witty" and "romantic" in this genre. Following the night where Phin orally services Sophie (and leaves Phin right after she's satiated), Sophie continues to act bitchy and resentful the next day. While Phin defends Sophie when Zane calls her sexless, Sophie continues to act like Bitch Numero Uno around Phin all the while enjoying him wanting to go down her.

Phin's "best friend" Wes starts scolding Phin not to casually sleep around with a nice girl like Sophie. Despite the fact Wes has known Sophie for only a couple days. When Sophie's brother Davy gives Phin a hard time for their relationship and offers to beat up Phin, Davy is lovable and cute because he's protecting Sophie. When Phin's mother Liz gives Sophie a hard time, Liz of course is the "ice queen." All to show how awesome Sophie is personality-wise, and how everyone close to Phin (except his mother) show instant loyalty towards Sophie including Phin's daughter Dillie. I had to suffer through Sophie's constant barrage of girly thoughts highlighting how gorgeous Phin is and how hot he looks all the time (he's immaculately pristine 24/7). If Sophie isn't thinking it, either Sophie or her sister are saying it; for instance, when Sophie defends her relationship with Phin to his mother by mentioning again and again how gorgeous he is and that she's not after his money. Phin, on the other hand, is easily attracted to a grubby, ordinary Sophie no matter her bland condition (she was painting once and yet the book goes out of its way to note that Phin is attracted to her in spite of her rather grimy, plain looks). The book exhibits a knack for dismissing any balance in the romance and skewing the relationship into a one-sided affair: the sex scenes were consistently a one-way street (Phin always services Sophie's pleasure -- and no after Sophie's greedy, selfish participation in the sex, it will inevitably bore the guy no matter her reaction), Sophie's cloying perspective inundating readers with estrogen, and Phin symbolized the female readership's sexual eye candy while noting Sophie's rather bland looks and emphasizing her hard-knock childhood and personality in the process. This book clearly demonstrates how to write chick-lit at its best (or worst, depending on how you look at it).

Beyond A Shadow (SG-5 08), by Alison Kent [4]

****/***** (4/5)

Thirty-five year-old school teacher Alexa Counsel knows trouble when she sees it. As the dark and mysterious Ezra Moore walks up to her with little Emmy Rose Maples, Alexa purposefully inserts herself as a barrier between the little girl Emmy Rose and the local inn's new handyman, the dark, dangerous and perceptive Ezra Moore. Divorced two years ago, Alexa discerns danger in Ezra Moore and her intuition screams at her to run and protect herself and friends from Ezra Moore. This constitutes my first book by Alison Kent, and I found BEYOND A SHADOW very refreshing in the romance/erotica genre. I thought the writing was above average, the settings in small-town Comfort Bay, Oregon, strong, the plotting and pacing grips while the romance steadily evolved and could appeal to both guys and gals, something very rare in the romance/erotica genre. The characterizations of our lead pair Alexa Counsel and Ezra Moore reminded me of Madeline Hunter's characters: mature, compelling, and the two together exhibit an electrically-charged chemistry. Alexa and Ezra's exchanges aren't childishly antagonistic, but rather exude wit and inflammatory passion. I understand Alison Kent writes a series of books on SG-5 (Smithson Group), or Hank Smithson's team of rogue undercover operatives. Ezra Moore has appeared in prior SG-5 novels and the group's involvement and role sometimes obfuscate the plotting for completely new readers to the series. I found the finale very anticlimactic and for an accomplished operative, Ezra seems to blunder and fails to anticipate problematic scenarios which arise at the end. Ezra's overwhelming feelings for Alexa could excuse his oversights though.

This book's romantic crux describes a spiritual cleansing of the battered and damaged goods that are Ezra Moore. Certainly not the first romance novel to depict a bad boy finding redemption in a strong woman's arms, I found BEYOND A SHADOW nonetheless gritty, engaging and substantive. Approaching Anne Stuart's bad boys, Ezra Moore surpassed the well-muscled, well-endowed and rakish heroes common to most romance and erotica. In fact this book simply doesn't dwell on appearances as so many other romance books and we don't find detailed accounts of a hero's "aquiline" nose, handsome face, chiseled frame nor the heroine's ample beauty. The passion wasn't nearly as one-sided (all the pleasure and giving from the hero to the heroine), and I can't tell you how much I appreciate heroines actually enjoying giving their heroes pleasure. It's so rare because most of erotica/romance is all about the rake igniting the heroine's passions (the hero's touch, lick, suckle, blow, steady and slow deliberations) that the reverse rarely happens or when it does, she does it out of rote, not necessarily out of her desire for him. Whereas the hero yearns to taste her and savor her everywhere, the woman simply receives it. Whereas the hero really treasures her response to his ministrations, the heroine oftentimes becomes greedy time after time. A woman's uninhibited reactions to a man's ministrations definitely signify to the man, but to me, any attractive and learned man can engender such a response. It's when a woman enthusiastically does something just for her man that really captures that man's heart. Alexa Counsel is so uninhibited in her response, so giving in kind, so genuine, I found Ezra's overwhelming love for her justified. Enthusiasm and genuine desire trumps skill in every guy's book. In fact he's very lucky to have found someone so understanding and giving like Alexa.

The Story, possible SPOILERS.

Ezra Moore accepts a handyman job for the Maples Inn in small town Comfort Boy, Oregon, as a cover in order to eliminate the virulent organization SpectraIT headed by Warren Aceveda and Cameron Gates. He's expected to rendezvous with a couple of SpectraIT representatives who will arrive at the Maples Inn in a week's time. Ezra arrives early to reconnoiter the small town and embed himself within the community to avoid any suspicion later when SpectraIT's representatives arrive. Respected schoolteacher Alexa Counsel provides the perfect excuse to insert himself within the community... or so he tells himself. The two explore their mutual attraction the very first night. While Ezra intends to use Alexa as his connection to the local community, Alexa has a police officer friend investigate Ezra's background because she still doesn't completely trust him. Some of the chapters from little Emmy Rose Maples' perspective (Alexa's close friend's daughter) are some of the most funny and interesting.

Ezra's plans goes terribly awry when someone from his ignominious past shows up for the arranged meeting with SpectraIT instead, all the while holding Alexa hostage in the process. One of the most touching scenes in the book was Alexa "cleaning" Ezra of his dirt after the dangerous fray, symbolically cleansing him of his crimes. The finale, though anticlimactic, still concluded the novel satisfactorily.

Overall I found BEYOND A SHADOW a very satisfying read and a slight detour from juvenile romance stories so common to this genre.

Sweet and Vicious, by David Schickler [2]

**/***** (2/5)

David Schickler's follow-up to his well-received KISSING IN MANHATTAN (which I haven't read) features a rural love-on-the-run tale in SWEET AND VICIOUS. A guy's version of love and romance isn't nearly as deep and introspective as so many romance novelists would have us believe, and along those lines, it was refreshing to read Schickler's SWEET AND VICIOUS. Humor, adventure and love beget a much-needed levity in this grim adventure starring two lovers. Like most male authors writing about love, traces of tragedy rears its ugly head here. Unlike others, I wasn't so much disappointed by the ending as I was unhappy by the execution of it. I wish Schickler spent some time integrating the Stewart McFigg character into the storyline a bit more. As it stands, the end reeked of Grace settling down after high adventure and passion with Henry. There's elements of the paranormal in the story though nothing overstated (Color Danning and her intuition, Hunter "Honey" Pobrinkis' glimmers). The first two chapters grip but then the book sags considerably when we look into the back stories of our mobster goons Roger and Honey Pobrinkis, and continues to stagnate even when we return to Henry and Grace. I'm not sure rural America is really like this with so many extremes (the slutty Perry Danning vs. the pious Stewart). For an afternoon book, it took a week for me to finish this 242-page hardcover; I was reading other novels and my interest in SWEET AND VICIOUS waned the more I read it. The prose is pretty good and Schickler enriches the reading experience by deftly setting the scene, fleshing out all the characters, and gut-punching you with an intense writing style. The intense writing style reminded me of my favorite SFF author: Matthew Woodring Stover and his book HEROES DIE (*****).

The Story, possible SPOILERS.

Thirty-two year-old Henry Dante, a 6-foot-4, 220-pound bruiser, works for the notorious Chicago mobster Honey Pobrinkis, a brutal man with an obsession for diamonds. Henry tells us that he "bust(s) people's heads [for a living]," but he's secretly proud of the fact that he's never killed anyone. Apparently, he wants to give his soul a "sporting chance." Henry's defining characteristic: two bulging, spiking knuckles on his left fist. Henry seldom talks, he's street-smart, a gentleman at heart and has a soft spot for women in distress.

When Honey receives a premonition (a "glimmer") that his long-time associate Charles Chalk will abscond with his 40 million dollar diamonds, Honey dispatches his enforcers on a bringback. Honey's womanizing nephew Roger, Henry and the dumb Floyd drive to Chalk's farm to retrieve Chalk and the diamonds. The 40 million dollar diamonds in question represent seven planets minus Pluto and Neptune (the later two planets weren't discovered when the Planets were made). When Roger decides to have a little fun on the side with Chalk's supermodel wife, Henry intervenes. Henry knocks out his two partners Roger and Floyd, filches the Planets instead and heads west from Illinois into Wisconsin. Henry is honorable though and doesn't change cars or license plates, wanting to give Honey a "sporting chance." I liked Henry overall, but not changing plates or cars due to some notion of honor was just plain dumb.

Meanwhile, we get plenty of back story on Grace McGlone growing up in Janesville, Wisconsin. After Grace dubiously loses her virginity in the backstage trailer to a famous evangelical orator (Reverend Bertram Block), Grace decides to clean up her reckless teenage act and "try for heaven." She avidly devours religious literature and decides to get baptized. Shy and bumbling yet muscular, Stewart McFigg has liked the sexy redhead Grace since grade school, and after college the two date a bit. As opposed to the womanizing devils of romance novels, it's nice to root for an underdog hero for a change. Grace however awaits the "one" and the adventure she feels is coming. When Grace spies the huge man with a suitcase and red truck bearing Illinois license plates, she instantly knows he's the one. Grace walks through a car wash she works at, introduces herself to Henry and promptly joins Henry on the adventure. Drenched and soaked, Grace puts her feet up on the dashboard of the passenger side of the truck and declares, "Tallyho!" Grace believes the Planets acquired from "blood money," and convinces Henry to give away each of the seven diamonds as they traverse west across the country.

The book slows down from there as Henry and Grace marry, enjoy hot passion, and make their way across the northwest. Roger and Floyd are hot on Henry's trail, and Henry takes steps to delay them but still gives Roger and Floyd a "sporting chance." All the plotting climaxes at Great Falls, Montana, where Bertram Block, 12 years after taking Grace's virginity, is putting on a performance at the Hammerspread, an open-mouthed amphitheater. For almost all his life and across the country, Bertram Block invigorates audiences, casts out devils, champions the Gospels, and lays hands on townsfolk. Grace needs to confront Block after all this time, and Honey and Roger Pobrinkis follow.

Not a bad book, but ultimately falls flat after the initial two chapters. The token two paragraphs of back story Schickler gives Stewart at the very end seemed rushed and shallow. I wanted to know the how and why behind Stewart deciding to forgo saving himself until marriage when he was so earnestly "trying for heaven" before. Also seemed like Grace was settling for Stewart. The writing can be intense, dark, humorous and adventurous, but also disengaging with so many back stories.

Heiress for Hire, by Erin McCarthy [1]

*/***** (1/5)

...you needed to love first, then love will come back to you. You couldn't take love or buy it or demand it, but once you gave it freely, without thought to yourself, you received it in kind.

Though more guy-friendly than most romance novels, I found Erin McCarthy's HEIRESS FOR HIRE mostly a one-sided affair. We can count on three elements in all romance novels: words of love, acts of love and finally marriage, although not necessarily in that order. I felt our slow-and-steady, Mr. Dependable, Mr. Unselfish, Good-Guy farmboy Danny Tucker not only initiated all three of these elements common to any romance book, but he also exhibited an enthusiasm in all three aspects far surpassing our heroine, Chicago socialite Amanda Delmar. So by a one-sided affair, I mean Danny first voices the I-Love-You's (and often thereafter), services Amanda passionately, again articulates heartfelt words of love during the act of love, and proposes marriage three times before Amanda finally accepts. Hence, I felt the giving from the quote was mostly a one-way street from Danny to Amanda. Peculiar then that the quote was Amanda thinking about love. Amanda loves Danny certainly, but true to chick-lit, not nearly as much as the other way around. The book appeared to ensure Danny's skewed love-sickness as a price for Amanda agreeing to marry him and move to Cuttersville, Ohio. There's two love scenes here, and during the second love scene, I thought the three consecutive climaxes Amanda experiences from oral sex proved lopsided. Add to that Danny's heartfelt words of love during this scene and I didn't feel Amanda really measured up. Just didn't seem like Amanda wanted to return all of Danny's giving (love). We received a 1-sentence retrospective postmortem of Amanda waking Danny later that night but it just didn't come close to Danny's servicing and love for Amanda.

I liked how both the hero and heroine harbored insecurities here, and I liked how a physical attraction initially played a role. Many historical romances detail a heroine's physical shortcomings from the hero's perspective and he's careful to avoid using the word 'beautiful' even though he instantly has a hard-on for her (SUDDENLY YOU, VOICES OF THE NIGHT). Here, since Danny is attracted to Amanda, I liked how McCarthy doesn't shy away from letting her hero use the word 'beautiful' to describe Amanda even though she isn't perfect . I also enjoyed everyone empathizing and caring for Danny's lovable 8 year-old daughter, Piper. Danny's mother Wilhemina "Willie" Tucker steals the show prompting fits of laughter, and I was hoping for more of her.

I thought a more spoiled, arrogant Amanda Delmar in truth could have made for an enjoyable reading experience and although Amanda and Danny shared some passion, I don't believe they're a good fit together long-term. A deeper, vulnerable Amanda simply hides behind a glitzy Barbie-doll facade and it takes Slow-and-Stead, Mr. Unselfish, Mr. Dependable Danny Tucker to recognize this deeper, affectionate side of Amanda Delmar. She has all of her father's money but really yearns for his love. I thought a spoiled Amanda scorning all things poor including country hicks like Danny would have made for a more entertaining tug-of-war between Amanda and Danny. Of course then you'd have to alter Danny's character a bit so he isn't so laid back. I suppose I was thinking more along the lines of the movie OVERBOARD (1987) starring Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn where you have the rich girl with amnesia finding love amongst a poor family. Goldie Hawn's character in OVERBOARD really earned everyone's love in that movie hundred fold while Amanda never seemed like a good fit for Danny and his daughter on his farm. Sure, Amanda cares for Danny's daughter Piper but that was a given, Piper is the quintessential, lovable 8 year-old innocent.

That such a light, quick 300-page superior paperback conveys a rather protracted read confirms the book's absence of any captivating plotting even for the romance genre. I admit to finding Amanda's saucy-sassy traits appealing and funny at times, but I question the point of some of the scenes we find in this novel. For instance, Amanda, Danny and Danny's daughter Piper venture on a protracted shopping trip to Walmart in the beginning. The whole exchange at Walmart seemed long and off. Next, from Amanda's cottage in Cuttersville, we have paranormal elements in a story where they simply don't belong. There's a bawling spirit in the cottage Amanda stays in and pennies magically fall from the ceiling. Amanda shrugs off the spirit's wailing for her long-deceased husband and she finds the magically-dropping pennies more funny than anything else. These paranormal elements really have no place in the overall romantic story, and if they do, the book failed to mesh the paranormal elements with the romantic story. Then, there's this melodramatic affair of Amanda rushing to rescue her poodle Baby from a hawk. I think the episode was supposed to prove Amanda's courage and loyalty but it was just stupid. The plotting which has Danny and Amanda thinking they're not right for each other and Amanda consequently rejecting marriage was a contrivance for Danny's "last-time" lovemaking. Danny performs oral sex for Amanda three times in a row thinking to give love and cherish her with everything he is for the last time. As it turned out, I think they had it right initially: I don't believe they're right for each other long-term because it's so one-sided, and I think Danny should find someone who would appreciate him more. Finally, Piper's stepfather returns and it's just more melodramatic nonsense as Amanda defends young Piper.

I was reminded of a couple other superior contemporary novels reading this one: TALK NERDY TO ME (**) where both leads are humble and likable, and INTO THE FIRE (****) which also contained paranormal touches but appropriate there. Anne Stuart's INTO THE FIRE is especially memorable for its decided dark and gritty feel, and yet conveys a passionate intensity like you've never read before. I think INTO THE FIRE is the only 'romance' novel I've read where of the three certainties in the romance genre (words of love, acts of love and marriage), marriage was no longer a certainty.

The Story, possible SPOILERS.

Chicago socialite, twenty-five year-old Amanda Delmar has it all: money, designer clothes and shoes, and lavish handbags. Everything except the one thing she covets most: her father's love. A vulnerable, compassionate woman resides underneath the rich, spoiled and high-maintenance facade and she longs for love. After she follows her friend Boston to Cuttersville, Ohio, and drops two grand on a manicure and a designer handbag, her father decides to employ a policy of "tough love" with Amanda. Her father cuts her off from all her money and her credit cards and compels Amanda to find a job and earn money for herself. In the process, she wouldn't mind hooking up with one of the brawny farmers in Cuttersville which may help her forget her cruel ex-boyfriend. I found some of Amanda's early bimbo comments very funny.

Enter Slow-and-Stead, Mr. Dependable, Mr. Unselfish, All-American-Farmerboy Danny Tucker. Danny has seen Amanda around town and finds himself attracted to her after a relatively recent divorce with ex-wife Shelby. Danny's wants and needs are simple: he wants a wife and family after his first marriage doesn't pan out. After just discovering the existence of his 8 year-old daughter Piper, Danny has what he's always wanted, though not exactly in the way he wanted it: a family with his daughter Piper. Since Amanda is looking to earn her way out of Cuttersville, Danny hires her to babysit his reticent daughter who warms up to Amanda. Amanda and Danny's attraction resonated although their long-term prospects on Danny's farm did not. Of course, I also thought the lovemaking was heavily one-sided in the second love scene (Danny doing all the giving). A one-sided love scene contrived by plotting which has Danny and Amanda believing they'll go their separate ways once school starts for Piper. The one-sided love scene would be fine if there was any love scene afterwards which wasn't such a one-way street. Alas, not to be.

The book concludes on copious words of love and affection from Danny as he proposes for a third time, this time on bended knee. All this after a lot of heartfelt words of love from Danny from before. Again, I didn't feel Amanda reciprocated Danny's words and acts of love in kind and that makes the entire "love" seem like a hoax concocted for a girl's delight.

Night Whispers, by Leslie Kelly [1]

*/***** (1/5)

Leslie Kelly's contemporary romance NIGHT WHISPERS features the proverbial heroine-saving-the-hero's-soul act; here, this act takes the form of restoring the adolescent rogue in our perceived "overwrought, cagey" hero. By the end, the hero Mitch Whymore conforms to his heroine's wild ways and makes all the concessions. The concluding 5-6 pages in this short 212-page paperback extorts mooning introspection and paragraphs of pining words from Mitch for the heroine's delight. The chick-lit factor is high, and the hero's pining seemed like forcibly shoving food down his throat and making him choke on it. The book mostly highlights a guy's strong, muscular physique for the female readership's imaginative pleasure; Kelly throws in a doctorate, professorship and writer for good measure. The prose isn't bad and the book did start out in a fun, sexy manner but the rest of the novel failed to maintain the opening's draw. The plotting and pacing dragged after the opening in spite of the meager 212 pages. The romantic tension inherent in the first half fizzles out as if it was stupid to consider in the first place, while the danger to the heroine in the second half, all of a sudden dissipated. The characters are entirely forgettable. Although NIGHT WHISPERS discusses sensuality and sexuality at length, it phlegmatically disappoints in that department as well.

The Story, possible SPOILERS.

DJ Kelsey's (AKA "Lady Love") new 10-to-2 AM hit radio show pushes the boundaries of propriety in Baltimore, MD, and discusses a new topic every night: desire, sensuality, sexuality, attraction, etc. The songs, callers' comments, and topics range from the erotic to the humorous as Kelsey tactfully and admirably balances the program.

Ever since she was 12, Kelsey has had a crush on Mitch Wymore who grows up in the same house. A younger Kelsey constantly played pranks on Mitch to get his attention while Mitch assiduously ignores her growing up.

Having worldly, traveling parents, a rebellious Mitch grows up with Kelsey and Kelsey's family (Kelsey's mother and Mitch's mother were close friends from college). Kelsey's parents reform Mitch's riotous ways, nurturing him in the process, and our tall, dark, handsome and muscled Mitch (worthy of a GQ cover) eventually finishes a doctorate to teach as a professor and author successful college text books. Mitch feels beholden to Kelsey's parents for taking him in during a sensitive time in his life when he could have ended up in jail. When Kelsey's mother asks if Kelsey can stay with Mitch in Baltimore, Mitch cannot refuse despite his misgivings of bearing the brunt of Kelsey's pranks from the past. Kelsey has a new radio station gig in Baltimore.

The beginning shows promise when Mitch returns from a 6-month trip in China to find a bikini-clad Kelsey in the garden of his row house in Baltimore. Mitch hasn't seen Kelsey in over a decade and he's shocked to see how much Kelsey has curvaceously filled out. Kelsey exploits his desirous reaction, fully enjoying having Mitch ogling her and taking notice of her for a change. He's further shocked to discover the popular Lady Love on a Baltimore radio station turns out to be none other than Kelsey.

Mitch feels following through on wanting Kelsey sexually would betray her parents' trust in him considering they took him in when he needed it most. As a result, he desperately distances himself from Kelsey. This romantic tension vacuously fizzles out as if it never existed halfway through the novel. The second half of the novel has our h/h at odds with each other over Kelsey's radio show. Mitch believes the show attracts unsavory stalkers and claims it will only be a matter of time before someone acts on their perverted dreams for Lady Love. Kelsey discriminately omits telling Mitch of letters and gifts from a stalker type and their relationship strains consequently. The second half of the novel builds on this conflict over Kelsey's sultry radio show. Mitch's concerns finally evaporate in the face of an overwhelming, pining introspection for his heroine Kelsey. Mitch makes all the concessions, he thinks and pines to himself over his heroine endlessly, and verbalizes incessant words of tenderness for Kelsey. Predictably, the book ends by having Mitch call in to Kelsey's show declaring his insalubrious love over many paragraphs. Kelsey evinces a more roguish persona from her man Mitch which more or less translates into a nauseatingly feminine "hero." In so doing, Kelsey apparently "saves" Mitch's soul. Exactly like how girls may like to see their heroes, but not plausible men in love.

Mitch's endless introspection and words at the end seemed like a choking, suffocating excursion in girlish pining. In effect, Mitch represents an effeminately, fulsome romantic-hero caricature complete with the trimmings of a chiseled, muscled frame and a rich career.

Talk Nerdy To Me, by Vicki Lewis Thompson [2]

**/***** (2/5)

Heroes in contemporary romance all stem from the common mold of Navy SEALs, bodyguards, sports athletes, billionaires and detectives. Known for amusing yet uniquely sensual "nerdy" books, Vicki Lewis Thompson's TALK NERDY TO ME managed to strike a fresh appeal with its 6-foot-5 electrical engineering hero (tall, dark and handsome of course) and fashion model with very creative aspirations building inventions. Common interests in science and technology, yet profoundly contrasting backgrounds and personalities, weld the attraction in TALK NERDY TO ME and shortly thereafter, the love. I found all the characters in TALK NERDY TO ME very endearing and the h/h chemistry crackled with a resounding electricity. The sexual innuendo in the technical jargon was generally funny and sexy too, though a bit cheesy at times. I overlooked some of the technical inconsistencies mainly because Vicki Lewis Thompson definitely has a knack for making brainy talk sound like an aphrodisiac. I really enjoyed the first half of the novel, but I thought much of the later parts in this 357-page paperback failed to maintain the first half's excitement and engagement. The resolution to the primary plot at the end was quick and empty, and I found the Where-Are-They-Now epilogue four years after-the-fact, extremely on the cornball cheesy side. Over-the-top careers were handed out to everyone in the epilogue. Much of the novel takes place over the course of one night, and it felt like a draining, episodic marathon: pizza, fix washer, take Manny and Kyle to see Rick and Eunice next door, eat, drop off Rick, block off damaged back door, make love, head over to mom & Aunt Myrtle's, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, you get the point. The plotting and pacing are subpar, the settings deficient, the prose below average. Still, the likable, refreshing characters and light-hearted tone relays an entirely readable experience, and for half the time, an entertaining fare. The sensuality isn't bad, but Anne Stuart's INTO THE FIRE (***) still takes the prize for the most sizzling contemporary romance I've read to date (admittedly, that list is limited).

The Story.

I should note that TALK NERDY TO ME isn't necessarily the heroine entreating the hero to talk nerdy to her, but mostly the other way around. We have a scatterbrain genius in a model's body talking nerdy to her electrical engineer of a hero. The book belongs to its heroine Eve Dupree: successful fashion model, a high school dropout, and a genius inventor at heart breaking out of her shell of glitzy drudgery. Here, our heroine isn't insecure about her looks, but rather, she's insecure about her brains. An inventor at heart, our fashion model Eve Dupree is sick of the urban, glamorous life. She purchases a house in small-town Middlesex, Connecticut to that end, a relatively small town where everyone knows everyone. She'll continue working on small modeling jobs to support herself with trips to New York City (not too far from Middlesex), at least until her inventing career pans out! Meanwhile, she'll have the space and personal time to focus on her inventing ideas, foremost among them a project to build a hovercraft running on biofuel, or more precisely, running on scraps of broccoli. Too scatterbrained to concern herself with small everyday details such as locking doors or cleaning up or fixing the washing machine, Eve works on her creative ideas passionately.

Driving by on his motorcycle, electrical engineer Charlie Shepherd overhears a small explosion coming from a house. He stops by to make sure everyone is alright and meets Eve, or technically, Eve's hand under the garage. Charlie invites Eve over for a game of pool over at the local Rack and Balls, and they hit it off instantly enjoying common interests and a sensual chemistry. She plays pool like a pro, Sam Adams is her beer of choice and most of all, Charlie is awestruck by her creative passion and her hovercraft invention.

Charlie's cousin, Ladies' Man Rick Bannister, arrives into town with two of his "associates," and Rick and Charlie offer to help Eve finish her invention. Eve could use Charlie's expertise in electrical engineering not to mention his stamp of approval. After Eve shows her hovercraft to Charlie, Rick and Rick's two associates Manny and Kyle, Eve notices the disappearance of her hovercraft notes. Later, Eve notices forced entries into her home. During this time, Rick and Eve's neighbor Eunice grow closer, and so too does Charlie and Eve. When Eve shares her concerns about the missing notes and forced entries to Charlie, both actively work together to formulate a list of suspects and to figure out who wants to steal Eve's invention. An invention which could generate a lot of money.

From the beginning, the culprit isn't a secret and I found it odd our educated Charlie failed to include the one person on his list of suspects that's actually behind stealing the notes and forced entries. I mean there wasn't any theft or forced entries before Eve showed the invention to Charlie, Rick, Manny, Kyle and Eunice so technically all of these people should be on the list of suspects regardless of an absent motive. Still, it was nice to see our lead characters actively try to work things out together and capture the perpetrator unlike other romances which seem to ignore the problem until the problem arises again at the end.

The book also highlights the different directions the h/h are taking as they hopelessly fall in love. Eve wants to settle down in the small town of Middlesex, CT, after a glitzy modeling career while Charlie has grown up and lived in Middlesex all his life and endeavors to land a dream-come-true job at the Hoover Dam in Nevada.

The second half sagged quite a bit, and the conclusion was pretty dry. For a strong start consisting of crackling sensual chemistry, amusing sexual innuendos, and very likable, refreshing characters, it's unfortunate the second half failed to grip. Still, I like the characters, and I will most likely read other books in Vicki Lewis Thompson's line of "nerdy" romance novels.

Finding Noel, by Richard Paul Evans [1]

*/***** (1/5)

I've wondered why it is that some people come through difficult times bitter and broken while others emerge stronger and more empathetic? I've read that the same breeze that extinguishes some flames just fans others. I still don't know what kind of flame I am. --Mark Smart Diary

Since I failed to appreciate Richard Paul Evans' religious, melodramatic tearjerker FINDING NOEL, some may claim I'm too numbed by all the pulp in mainstream America these days . Maybe. I would categorize FINDING NOEL closer to a short story or novella than a novel -- it's probably a 2-hour read max if you're studious. Rife with undercurrents of Christianity, emotional angst and hardship, FINDING NOEL takes place during the holidays in Utah and more than once preaches the benevolence of God and the human spirit persevering over tragedy and loss. FINDING NOEL is exactly about that: Macy Wood's journey to find her long-lost sister Noel. The prose conveys a very teary, emotional and didactic tone while the pacing and plotting are quick. I didn't really care for the sententious preaching, I didn't really care for the "deep" philosophy, I didn't find anything special about the "love" story between Mark & Macy, and the epilogue's biblical parting proved less than inspiring. You can tell that Richard Paul Evans' passion deals with enlightening and aiding abused children, and for that, I couldn't help but admire his efforts.

I learned something valuable today. Oftentimes the greatest hurts of our lives come from running from the smaller ones. --Mark Smart's Diary

The Story.

Mark Smart has just lost his beloved mother to death and he found out about it two days after the funeral. Estranged from his father back in Alabama, dumped by his girlfriend, having lost his college scholarship at Salt Lake City in Utah, and now just having learned of his mother's death, Mark hits a new low as he ponders suicide. Macy Wood works the nighttime shift at a cafe where Mark's car breaks down and though strangers they may be, Macy immediately offers a hug and a shoulder to cry on. For Mark, Macy represents someone nothing short of angel. Mark is immediately dumbstruck by Macy's unconditional kindness and compassion.

Twenty-one year-old Macy Wood has more demons in her closet than you can possibly imagine. In various flashbacks, we discover Macy lost her mother to cancer when she was 5, her father drowns in alcohol and drugs after her mother's death, Macy was sexually abused by people in her father's rehabilitation clinics, separated from her younger sister Noel when she was 7-8 (a younger sister whom Macy mothers), adopted by a cruel woman who physically beats Macy on a daily-basis, and finally runs away from her adopted mother when she's 15 only to end up on the street and homeless willing to do anything for bread and cheese. A troubled yet loving woman Joette finally takes Macy in, and Macy survives her childhood hardships, stronger and more empathetic than ever.

With Mark by her side, Macy begins the search for her sister Noel, tracing through the threads of bureaucracy, luck and finally resistance. FINDING NOEL makes some strong statements about the impotence of government and the nonsense of bureaucracy in the process. Again, faith and God seem to bring salvation.

Along with Macy's search, Mark has family issues of his own to work out with his estranged father.

An out-and-out tearjerker from beginning to end and imparting strong religious sermons, I didn't really enjoy this one. Yeah, I admit it, I'm probably too "pulpified" by American media.

Into the Fire, by Anne Stuart [4]

****/***** (4/5)

There's too many things to like about Anne Stuart's INTO THE FIRE. In my continuing quest for a fusion between romance and other genres, this particular one blurs the lines of distinction between contemporary romance, suspense and mystery, though it's still a romance at heart. I thought INTO THE FIRE does a very decent job in all of these genres and yet still manages to pull off a world unto its own. Aside from the contemporary world, the novel seemed to breath a new world within the garage building in remote Cooperstown, Wisconsin (U.S.), where most of the novel takes place. It was surreal, yet grounded. The settings -- though good -- I thought could have been better if Anne Stuart spent even more time than she already did describing the decrepit garage building. As it is, the inanimate garage building still came alive. The prose isn't bad at all, and the characterizations were excellent with ample backstories and well-realized. Especially Bad-Boy Dillon Gaynor. The romance was very passionate, electrically charged. Anne Stuart even made me laugh as she sprinkles in some witty dialogue.

I've heard you haven't read bad boys until you've read Anne Stuart's bad boys. Within the context of the romance genre, I would have to agree. Although INTO THE FIRE's Dillon is a convicted felon, a high-school dropout, a drunk, a drug dealer, and an all-around insensitive jerk, he still manages to capture our good-girl heroine Jamie Kincaid's attentions, and later, her heart. You have to hand it to Anne Stuart for getting bad boys right, and still have the reader find them endearing, at least on some level. I've also heard Anne Stuart redeems her heroes fully by the end and such is the case here as well because bad-boy Dillon doesn't have the most noble, gentlemanly intentions towards his heroine Jamie starting out.

Jamie signifies courage during very trying circumstances and a spunky wit on her own right, and in that regard, her character pretty much golfs par for romance. What I found funny though: she drives all the way from her home in Rhode Island to Dillon's car garage in Wisconsin for some answers only to find herself wanting to flee Dillon -- constantly. Classic case of a heroine's nerves and instincts guarding her falling heart, but I thought it was funny here, and unique in the midst of the eerie, suspenseful car garage building. For those of you that are a bit squeamish (I myself can't take S&M), I must warn of a rape scene in the beginning. It's part of Jamie's flashback, and I thought it was important in two respects: it showed Jamie's strength of character and it signified in the overall love story and passion between Jamie and Dillon.

My problems?

Well for one, I thought the book contained too many plot holes. I didn't mind that it often bordered on paranormal elements, but it didn't provide a reasonable explanation for the happenings in Dillon's car garage at the end. Either make it paranormal or provide me with some reasonable explanations please.

And secondly, this is getting back to my need for some satisfactory ending - not necessarily happy 100%, but satisfactory nonetheless. I didn't like how the ending didn't spend enough time between its hero and heroine, Jaime and Dillon. It also felt contrived and rushed.

Finally, I felt Dillon was reformed too easily, and all the criminal charges against him absolved too conveniently. Could be related to my problem with plot holes.

The premise (spoiler-free).

Twenty-eight year-old school teacher Jaime Kincaid has just lost her beloved cousin Nate to death. Tall, dark and handsome, Nate possessed a beguiling smile and a comforting, easy presence. Nate and Dillon Gaynor have been best friends forever and Nate was found bludgeoned to death in his best friend's car garage. Jaime fears thirty year-old Dillon for many reasons: she's had a crush on Dillon since she was 15, Dillon's James-Dean, Rebel-Without-a-Cause persona infringes on her deepest, darkest desires, and he's violent in the worst ways having served jail time for almost beating someone to death when he was 19. Yet, Jaime treks out there in her Volvo for some answers and Nate's belongings since Dillon ignores her letters. The police have dropped Nate's case and Jaime is determined to get some answers.

As she arrives at Dillon's eerie car garage, she's horrified to watch Dillon beating someone up. Nope, Jaime thinks, he hasn't changed at all.

Bad-Boy Dillon Gaynor has his own reasons for intentionally withholding Nate's belongings and hoping to see Jaime again in person after 12 years. They aren't the most noble reasons either, he just wants to use her for his own satisfaction. As soon as Jaime arrives, she wants to escape, to return to Rhode Island while Dillon treacherously sabotages her means to return. He effectively imprisons her in his creepy, dilapidated car garage building.

The story continues its wild ride from there as good-girl Jaime and bad-boy Dillon struggle with ghosts from their past and with each other.

A very engaging reading experience, and it had me completely hooked from beginning to end.

Causing Havoc, by Lori Foster [2]

**/***** (2/5)

Welcome to Lori Foster's world of larger-than-life heroes and social drama. You can't fault Lori Foster for weak heroes, not even the slightest. CAUSING HAVOC's Dean Conor, Gregor and Simon are ripped mammoths, 6-foot-5+ "hunks" through and through. Strong of conviction, tough, imposing in size and strength and rich, Dean Conor is a man's man. He doesn't cower and submit to everything in the end, and that in and of itself was nice to read after THE BRIDE AND THE BEAST. This contemporary romance offers little else though, and besides the hero's endearing efforts to help his estranged sisters and reluctantly implant himself as part of their lives, the book was mostly boring. It took a while to read, and I finished 3 other books while trying to finish this one.

The Story.

Dean "Havoc" Conor receives a letter from his estranged sister, a plea asking him to return home to Harmony, Kentucky, and try to be a family again. Dean Conor is hard-pressed to return to a home he was kicked out of 20 years ago, and return to sisters he believes has long forgotten him. He's wary of his sister's motivation asking him to return home. Despite his reservations, famed SBC fighter Dean Conor returns to a home he longs to forget and sisters he wishes didn't exist.

Once in Harmony, KY, he meets his sister's gorgeous best friend Eve Lavon and their mutual attraction draws them together.

The rest of the novel tells of Dean's insuppressible love for his sisters and the passions he shares with Eve, eventually blossoming into a love. There's a plot dealing with the history of Dean and his sisters' parents, dead 20 years ago after an accident ended their lives. Their parents didn't share a loving relationship, and we find out more about the siblings' mother's love affair with another man. They weren't the most caring, loving parents either, as the father left them to their own devices while the mother was happier in her affair. After their deaths, an uncle takes Dean away from Harmony, KY, while his two sisters grow up under their Aunt Lorna's care.

I actually found myself more interested in Roger's character than Dean's though. Roger was very interesting as the suspicious man who claims to love the eldest sister, Cam. I also thought Cam had more depth than the other two women in the novel, Cam's sister Jacki and our heroine Eve Lavon.

The ending isn't bad and concludes in a true romance-genre fashion. The story is really about a long-estranged brother finding his place amongst his family again and discovering true love on the side.