Shoot 'Em Up [4]

****/***** (4/5)

S/he who stays in the rear, takes it in the rear.

SHOOT 'EM UP amounts to a delicious debauchery in violence and sex. Mostly violent, mostly brutal, completely facetious, the key is to never take this movie seriously and just have fun. If you're offended by violence for violence's sake, this one is not for you. Some of the ridiculous stunts our protagonist Mr. Smith manages makes it difficult to suspend disbelief, but it's still fun if you're laughing with the movie instead of trying to take it seriously. There's scenes where he's handling a baby like a football in one arm and somersaulting in the air gunning down villains from the other hand. There's another scene where he's having sex pumping away and shooting the baddies from around the woman's shoulder. It qualifies as a fulsome caricature in violence and it's pretty graphic as well. Basically it's fun.

The story is fairly simple enough. Clive Owen plays "Mr. Smith," a guy who rescues a pregnant woman chased by some goons. Smith's arch nemesis is Hertz, played by Paul Giamatti. Paul Giammati and Clive Owen deliver convincing performances in spite of a dearth of acting opportunities. Clive Owen is his no-nonsense hardcore self while Paul Giamatti's Hertz, a former psychological profiler, chases Smith. Smith digs deeper behind why the goons wanted to kill the pregnant woman, and a plot using the bone marrow of illegitimate babies surfaces. All of it, however, takes a firm backseat to the movie's central intent: gratuitous violence and action.

Want to know the difference between a luxury car and a porcupine? The car has a prick on the inside...

The movie is pure, unadulterated fun. It's funny too.

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End [1]

*/***** (1/5)

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (5/5)
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2/5)
3. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (1/5)

In the age of trilogies and series, Gore Verbinski's final installment to the Pirates trilogy AT WORLD'S END continues to showcase Johnny Depp as the incomparable Captain Jack Sparrow. Sly and knavish, Jack Sparrow dangles circumstances and people on strings of his own making. Although things don't turn out exactly the way Jack Sparrow divines, he nonetheless qualifies as the prime mover and shaker in the story. You have to love characters like Jack Sparrow that never seem to be on anyone's side and always scheme and plot, leaving their options open. Although I thoroughly enjoyed Jack's scheming and plotting in CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL (*****), more of the same here gets annoying. Everyone seems to unwittingly oblige Jack Sparrow's scheming in AT WORLD'S END. Played by Orlando Bloom, Will Turner's ineptitude glaringly takes center stage and he does nothing here. In fact, Will manages to get caught quite a bit. Keira Knightley stars as Elizabeth Swann and she seems to scream, rant and rave a lot while rising as a captain and "Pirate King." I cringed at her "freedom" speech at the end so reminiscent of Mel Gibson in BRAVEHEART. Orlando Bloom's acting was pretty atrocious in LORD OF THE RINGS and his characteristic intonations plague this one. Keira Knightley isn't much better. Tom Hollander's villainous Lord Cutler Beckett was the standout performance of this movie.

Possible SPOILERS ahead.

Bigger, louder, and more doesn't always equate to good or better and this final installment demonstrates the point. Consisting of alternate dimensions, sea goddesses, people coming back from the dead, and convoluted plotting, this movie accentuates the eccentric, magical, and eldritch hundredfold. A large cast and big names highlight this final installment: Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow), Keira Knightley (Elizabeth Swann), Orlando Bloom (Will Turner), Geoffrey Rush (Captain Barbossa), British actor Bill Nighy (Davy Jones), Stellan Skarsgard ('Bootstrap' Bill Turner), and Chow Yun-Fat (Captain Sao Feng). As opposed to CURSE OF THE BLACK PEARL, the humor in AT WORLD'S END dulls instead of entertaining. The movie drags quite a bit at the end as the Black Pearl and Dutchman do battle around a whirlpool maelstrom. Other pirate ships and the villain Lord Beckett's armada simply watch the protracted affair where Jack, Barbossa, Elizabeth, Will, and Davy Jones spar. After the good guys win, the other pirate ships cheer and rejoice as though they did anything. The on-board marriage while the two ships are locked in battle was cornball cheesy to the extreme. I'm not sure I understood the convoluted Calypso plot where nine pieces of eight binds the powerful Calypso.

The basic premise.

From DEAD MAN'S CHEST, we know Captain Barbossa returns from the dead while Elizabeth leaves Jack Sparrow for the dead. We also know Lord Beckett commands the Armada and holds Davy Jones' heart. Davy Jones and his ship the Flying Dutchman terrorize the seas in a dark alliance with Beckett. In an effort to subdue Jones, the Dutchman and Beckett's armada, the witch Tia Dalma guides the pirate lords to call a brethren gathering and submit each of their "pieces." This will consequently free the powerful sea goddess Calypso, compelling her to aid them against the Dutchman. Since Sparrow possesses one of the 9 pieces, Barbossa, Will and Elizabeth must first venture to world's end to rescue Jack Sparrow first. Everything comes to a head as the Flying Dutchman captained by Davy Jones and the Black Pearl captained by Barbossa square off in a maelstrom. It's all very convoluted and very dumb. This trilogy's marquee humor declines considerably in this final installment. The performances and acting made me cringe a lot.

I was begging for someone to stay dead by the time the movie finally ends.

Stardust [5]

*****/***** (5/5)

Directed by Matthew Vaughn, screenwriters Vaughn and Jane Goldman bring acclaimed British author Neil Gaiman's novel to the big screen in a very enjoyable STARDUST (2007). Often characterized by a fun-hearted parody, STARDUST pokes fun at many cliches inherent in the science fiction and fantasy (SFF) genre. For instance, our hero Tristan Thorn's innocent clumsiness and the 90+ year-old guard sparring with skill and finesse. Like most stories in the fantasy genre, our hero hails from humble roots (a shop boy) and isn't the older, richer and powerful hero of the romance genre. Also like most fantasy stories, there's a coming-of-age here as Tristan learns of swordfighting and his true heart under an older man's guidance (Captain Shakespeare played by Robert De Niro). There's plenty of magic, air pirates maintaining a gruff exterior to hide a cultured, sensitive inside, a throne contested by scheming brothers, evil witches coveting youth and beauty, and a quest for the star, our heroine. The movie handles all of it with humor, satire, and warmth. Although I haven't read Gaiman's novel, I'm sure it was more entertaining than Gaiman's NEVERWHERE. I read Neil Gaiman's NEVERWHERE a long time ago and despite Gaiman's marquee humor, the impotence of NEVERWHERE's protagonist frustrated me while I found the reading experience fairly dry overall. Comedy, fantasy, action, adventure, and romance all render STARDUST as a decidedly enjoyable albeit lightly predictable fare.

STARDUST stars Claire Danes as our falling star Yvaine, Charlie Cox as our politically-incorrect Prince Charming Tristan Thorn, Michelle Pfeiffer as the old witch Lamia coveting youth and beauty, Robert De Niro as the gruff, sensitive pirate Captain Shakespeare, and Mark Strong as one of the princes in line for the throne of the magical realm of Stormhold. I'm sure there's botox and plenty of makeup involved, but can I just say that Michelle Pfeiffer looks even more striking in her late 40s than she did when she was younger! It's ironic that her character here craves youth and beauty. The performances were all solid, but I'd single out Michelle Pfeiffer's portrayal of the evil witch especially, it's deliciously sadistic. I thought the scheming brothers in ghost form applauding, cheering and bantering amongst themselves was hilarious!

The Premise.

Set in England, eighteen year-old shop boy Tristan Thorn pines for the most beautiful girl: Victoria played by Sienna Miller. Victoria manipulates Tristan's lovesick attentions for goods at the shop. No smooth operator by any stretch of the imagination, Victoria laughs when Tristan soulfully articulates the lengths he would go to win Victoria's hand in marriage. When a shooting star falls in the magical realm of Stormhold across the Wall forbidden to all, Tristan promises to return the fallen star for Victoria in exchange for her hand in marriage. Tristan's pledge to return with the star from across the Wall (where no one ventures) moves Victoria enough to give him a week until her birthday, else she'll marry the taller more adept Humphrey.

In the magical realm of Stormhold, its aged king played by Peter O'Toole lies in his deathbed. He sends off his magical jewel to the heavens to bring down the shooting star Tristan and Victoria spy earlier, a jewel which responds only to royal blood. Before the king dies, he bequeaths the kingship to the person of royal blood who retrieves the jewel. The surviving princes watch as the jewel flies off into the sky and brings down the star. Meanwhile, the evil witch Lamia also sees the shooting star. Lamia and her two sisters covet stars because of their powerful magic to revitalize. They've already killed and exhausted the magic from the last fallen star.

So the stage is set, you have: Tristan, the conniving princes and Lamia, all after the star for their own reasons. Tristan arrives at the scene first and finds a girl, Yvaine, instead (in fact the star). Tristan possesses a magical babylon candle for rapidly transporting people. In exchange for this candle to return back to the heavens, Yvaine agrees to accompany Tristan back across the Wall to England and help him win Victoria's hand in marriage. Along the way, the scheming princes, air-faring pirates, Lamia and true love pose obstacles for Tristan and Yvaine. Tristan completes his quest of course, but with different results. The ending stretched quite a bit, but it was still fun and unique in its own way.

Humorous, satiric, adventurous, and fun, I was charmed by STARDUST.

Transformers [3]

***/***** (3/5)

"Bumblebee, stop lubricating the man." --Optimus Prime when Bumblebee "pisses" on Agent Simmons played by John Turturro

What an entertaining CGI joyride for the geek in every one of us! Michael Bay's TRANSFORMERS thrills with awe-inspiring visual/special effects and relentless action. Though empty, disjoint and hackneyed, I couldn't help but enjoy this action-packed, special-effects feast in a battle between the evil Decepticons bent on eliminating the human race and the good Autobots led by Optimus Prime. Although the movie vaguely follows 16 year-old Sam WitWicky (played by Shia LaBeouf), Captain Lennox (played by Josh Duhamel), and signals and systems specialist Maggie Madsen (played by Rachael Taylor) in three disparate plots, the movie affects a light-hearted humor all the while maintaining its jaw-dropping visual effects in the midst of a trite battle between good and evil. The movie had me laughing quite a bit and maintains a sense of humor throughout despite the gravity of the threat posed by Megatron and the Decepticons. I was impressed by actor Shia LaBeouf's performance as the boy with the "key," his portrayal of Sam was equal parts comedic and serious. The only recognizable actor in the movie? Jon Voight plays Defense Secretary John Keller though the role and the performance is nothing to scream about.

Possible SPOILERS ahead.

As with any fantastic, scifi movie containing more pulp than anything else, there's some nonsensical plot devices. For instance, Sam's glasses which hold the key to finding a cube. The evil Decepticon leader Megatron desires this cube of power to purge Earth of the human race. Stupidly trite, to be sure. At the end, much of the action was hard to follow though no less awe-inspiring. I thought it was weak and anticlimactic how Sam places the cube inside Megatron to destroy both Megatron and the cube. I found many transitions in the movie from Sam's plot to Maggie's to Captain Lennox's jarring and out of place. So many times, I'm not sure how we got from Point A to Point B.

Still, in spite of all the negatives, it's hard not to root for our good-hearted Autobots in their battle against the viciously ruthless Decepticons. It was great to see so many of the transformer favorites we grew up with including Bumblebee and Optimus Prime. In the cartoon, Bumblebee was small and used more like a spy in reconnaissance whereas here in the movie, they've upgraded his car model quite a bit! I'd love to see a sequel and I'd love to see one of my favorite childhood transformer toys in it: Sideswipe!

The Bourne Ultimatum, directed by Paul Greengrass [4]

****/***** (4/5)

The Bourne trilogy
1. The Bourne Identity (4/5)
2. The Bourne Supremacy (1/5)
3. The Bourne Ultimatum (4/5)

I thoroughly enjoyed THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM. Featuring relentless action - and I do mean nonstop - The BOURNE ULTIMATUM concludes the Bourne trilogy in a very satisfying manner. I found this movie's predecessor THE BOURNE SUPREMACY too confusing and too fragmented. THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM however manages to remain focused on Jason Bourne's quest to discover his roots, and return to the place where it all started for him.

Matt Damon returns as Jason Bourne, a man gifted with a preternatural knack for combat, assassination and fighting. We see flashbacks of his love's death in THE BOURNE SUPREMACY which seems to fuel his thirst for some answers. The entire movie showcases one exhilarating action sequence after another and doesn't let go until the very satisfying ending. Julia Stiles and Joan Allen return to play CIA agents questioning the agency's callous pursuit to eliminate Bourne.

Just the way I like my movies, THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM is extremely light on the characterizations and plotting while extremely heavy on the gripping action. Although the movie offers little opportunity to act, I nonetheless thought Matt Damon performed admirably as the insouciant, cold Jason Bourne seeking revenge and answers. The middle fight between Bourne and one of the other assets in Morocco -- wow, simply phenomenal.

Ong-Bak, directed by Prachya Pinkaew [4]

****/***** (4/5)

CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON has nothing over ONG-BAK (2003), and for a martial arts marvel, check out ONG-BAK. I caught a copy with English subtitles, and boy, was it nothing short of breathtaking! Based on a recommendation by Matt Stover's fan-based community, I'm glad I finally watched this, as rare as my movie-watching days are. Fasten your seat belt, prepare to be awed by some of the moves and exhilarated by the stunts. ONG BAK qualifies as a wondrous martial arts spectacle molded for the modern age.

Tony Jaa plays Ting, a muay thai fighter from a small village in Thailand, sent on a quest to Bangkok to retrieve a revered statue of Buddha, Ong Bak. Villagers worship the statue and believe it ensures the safety and prosperity of their village both in terms of violence and a fruitful harvest. Don, a former villager turned criminal, removes the head from the statue and takes it to Bangkok, to curry favour from the crime lord Khom Tuan. Ting follows Don to Bangkok and fights to return Ong Bak back to its rightful place.

Nothing special in the story here or the characters themselves. The action and fight scenes however -- wow! Nothing short of impressive, masterfully-choreographed, intense, exhilarating, thrilling, eye-popping and aesthetic in its own style. In the end, thoroughly entertaining and I'm sorry I don't see more movies like this.